thrashtic

We Can See It with Our Eyes Closed, Joy Harjo
poetry365:

You ask me what I am thinking when we make love
and our eyes are closed and the sun is climbing halfway
to the roof and the neighborhood dogs are all in love
with the spirit dog who makes the rounds and tortures them
with dreams of hills and running with the smell of heat
and then the train adds to the song of progress
making a web from city to city,
backdoor to backdoor and I know it is possible to
fly without the complications of metal and engineering
and all the payoffs, paybacks and terrible holes
in the earth and here we are in the territory of the wind,
surrounded by devils and thieves, forgotten by a trickster god
who has a wicked sense of humor
yet there is something quite compelling
about this skin we’re in, a solid planet of gases and water
doesn’t tell the whole story. I am intrigued by cloud
language and see you approaching as a red flower in a meadow
of yellow, or you are an apparition of rain just before or after
a famine of butterflies. We make an electrical reaction
like carbon dioxide, and did I remember to blow out
the candles lit for those who are dying and are leaving
or will leave this place? Grief is a land of wet tenderness. We are all
dying and will leave a trail like the plane jetting east in the direction
that becomes all directions, becomes all the millions of souls here together
looking for god or a little something to eat,
all of us blown away by the mystery of nothingness
as we shop in the streets for trinkets or bread.
We’ve been here before, thinking in skin and our pleasure
and pain feed the plants, make clouds. I see it with my eyes
closed. It’s so beautiful.

is it still self destructive when you convince yourself its stupid? or just masochistic. either way it's ridiculous to justify anything involving pain with i deserve it. i like it maybe, but no one deserves self inflicted pain. there's a sick, sick craving for it which i sometimes fall victim to but i hardly think it's something i had coming. i can logically refute any argument i present myself with when it comes to self abusiveness. deep, deep sadness never encourages it. i don't know, this is just fucking stupid.

dsaskldfjafl's. this is really fucking stupid in general. it's really vain that i fucking fascinate myself, but i do in the same way anyone does, and i feel like i'm the only person who's thoughts i have unlimited access too, which is true, but sometimes i find it horribly gross how much i think about myself, and not what i want or anything (even though i do) but just how i think and what it means.

dear girl,
while doubting yourself might seem like the easiest possible way out, you cannot keep up this self loathing. people do not tell you you’re incredible to make fun of you, no one gets pleasure from witnessing your pain.

i can see you so clearly on the horizon, you fit perfectly with the stars, mountains, sunsets, trees, people look to you for direction, you seem so sure of yourself. what happened to the beauty you spit onto paper. why aren’t you confident in your ability to glow?

your transparency scares the shit out of me. please never forget the impact you’ve had. shit.

tupac is cleaning himself :)
my little orange cat is so adorable

just a ps

Echo de menos la mar. Je m'ennuie de la mer. I miss the sea.

Me gusta la noche. J'aime la nuit. I like the night.

Siento el viento. Je suis le vent. I am the wind.

Eres tan bella. Vous êtes si belle. You are so beautiful.

Odio cuando estás corazón. Je déteste quand vous êtes au cœur brisé. I hate when you are heartbroken.

Quiero estar en la montaña. Je veux être à la montagne. I want to be in the mountains.

Yo pertenezco en el cielo. Je fais dans le ciel. I belong in the sky.

Quiero círculo del sol. Je veux cercle du soleil. I want to circle the sun.

Me encanta todo. J'adore tout. I love everything.

just thinking.
the reason i'm so timid with relationships is because of how badly you fucked me over you stupid little cunt.

congratulations, you're a dick i'll always hate you for how terrible i feel now.
i feel like i can blame everything on you, because i think it's justitified.

I'M TERRIFIED, EVEN THOUGH IT'S THE ONLY THING I WANT, TO BE CLOSE TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE WAY I WAS WITH YOU BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED!

because i couldn't just be normal.
11-3.
thats all i'll eva need.

damn, i can't believe i finally said it.

hey guys,
i'm tangled up in blue.

i feel like crying, beautiful. I don't know.
i think i want to be an astro photographer or something, that would be the most amazing thing in the world. Or, i just want to learn more about what i love, whatever that is at whatever given time. I don't see why i can't just love the universe as a full time occupation?

You know? Or, i really would much rather be a rockstar, then anything, because music is so incredible.
but that won't happen. and i know it won't.

i could listen to bob dylan for hours, or the clash for that matter.

where did my dad put our blank cds?
that mother fucker.